Do you ever feel like the good side of yourself is just an act? When people compliment you, it’s only because they haven’t seen the real you—once they do, they definitely won’t like you anymore. I want to tell you that even the side you try so hard to put on is still a part of you. It’s the part of you that used to protect yourself, or you could see it as a state of readiness that appears when you feel threatened. For example, a lot of people think putting on a facade means, “I’m not really like this in private. Actually, I’m extremely nervous and lazy. The fact that I seem so calm, outgoing, and positive right now is just an act.” But try describing it differently: “When I feel I have to perform better and be stronger, I show this side of myself.” Or, some people feel fake on a date because they act prettier, more gentlemanly, more polite, or more generous than they really are. But this is just you wanting to be especially liked—if you describe it that way, it suddenly sounds much cuter. This person is usually easily nervous and not very talkative, but for today’s date, to win the affection of someone they like, they made a special effort to dress up and learn new things, and the whole time they nervously tried to show their best side. That’s just their heart beating with excitement.

It’s perfectly normal for us to show different sides of ourselves to different people or things we like. When we face someone we like, we tend to feel more anxious, nervous, and our actions might be a bit exaggerated. Of course, you might ask, “But some people aren’t like that—their behavior doesn’t change much.” That’s because not everyone has experienced the same dangers you have. For example, as a child, you might have only gotten praise for showing your best side, or maybe you never got any praise at all, so you were always ready to overperform. Meanwhile, another child might feel safe without having to do anything special, so they rarely enter that emergency state. Don’t be afraid of others thinking you’re good, and don’t think those good qualities are insignificant, or feel unsafe or out of place. In the past, you had to put in 200% effort just to get a little bit of praise, but now you only need to put in 50% effort to get the same result. In fact, you feel it’s too easy now, which makes you doubt yourself: “Why am I already being considered good just for this? This is so different from my past experience.”