What is the difference between a wife and a prostitute?


Today, I continue sharing an out-of-print book published by CITIC Press in 2014—
*Women’s Sexual Motivation*.
Eileen Chang once said:
If marriage is for the sake of livelihood, then marriage is long-term prostitution.
As a lawyer, I have encountered a real case:
A husband accused me that every time he asked his wife for intimacy,
she would ask him to transfer 500 yuan first.
It sounds absurd,
but from an evolutionary psychology perspective,
sex has never been just an expression of love,
it is also a means of gendered competition.
Research in the book shows:
Many women, to varying degrees,
use sex as a form of reciprocation and compensation for men’s efforts.
Some cooperate out of guilt after their partner drives five hours to see them,
even if they don’t particularly like the man.
Some choose to please their husbands to get help with cleaning the house.
There are even those who openly say:
“Sex is my bargaining chip with him.”
In this context,
sex is no longer driven by love and desire,
but by exchange.
This logic of exchange is not a product of modern civilization.
In primitive tribes in Bolivia, Tanzania, Peru, and Venezuela,
anthropologists have found a common phenomenon:
Women choose to become wives or lovers of men for prey and food.
This indicates that:
Since ancient times, men’s ability to acquire resources
largely determines the distribution of sexual resources.
And in modern society, this transaction has become more covert.
Research shows:
Many women’s desire for their husbands
directly depends on the man’s social status and wealth.
One woman interviewed said:
If her husband gets a promotion and a raise,
their married life will enter a new phase,
and a husband who earns a lot of money will seem more attractive to her.
However, everything has two sides.
What if a man can’t earn money?
According to research from the Bas Institute:
A husband’s unemployment is a major reason for female infidelity.
When the original supply of survival resources is cut off,
a woman’s instincts will drive her to find a reliable man again.
Engels mentioned in *The Origin of the Family, Private Property and the State*:
The difference between wives and prostitutes is that,
wives are not rented by the time, but sold once and for all.
Humanity’s transition from matriarchal to patriarchal society
was fundamentally driven by the emergence of private property.
Whoever owns the means of production
holds the power of discourse.
Psychologists also found:
Economically independent women in marriage
tend to emphasize self-identity,
are proactive when needed,
and do not force themselves when not.
Conversely, housewives without income
often find it hard to say no to their husbands.
For the latter, refusing a husband may mean a reduction in survival resources.
Luo Yonghao also said:
If you are being supported financially, don’t talk about personal independence.
Marriage, as the smallest economic unit of society,
is essentially a long-term resource sharing and cooperation between two people.
We emphasize independence,
not to isolate each other,
but to free marriage from low-level transactional attributes,
and to let sex return to love and freedom itself.
Women’s true independence
is having the confidence not to treat the partner as a tool,
not hiding low-level transactions behind high-sounding slogans.
In the daily grind of life,
marital roles inevitably lead to conflicts.
The key to resolving these conflicts is to see the difficulties of the other side:
Women should understand men’s efforts outside,
men should understand women’s labor at home.
This kind of mutual understanding based on equality
can resolve most calculations and complaints in life.
When sex is no longer a bargaining chip for resources,
but an act of comforting each other,
this mutual support and companionship
becomes the highest form of romance in marriage and love.
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